Why Blog?Why blog? My mother brought this idea to me and I was a bit skeptical at first. However, a calling has been felt lately to somehow share my insight and journey as a soldier for Christ. It has been prayed about and I don’t want to risk missing His answer.

God blessed me with the gifts of discernment and counsel. He has blessed me with the ability to lead, to write and to encourage. There is also a gift of boldness, which can be used for both good and evil.

I desire with all my heart to use these gifts for His Glory and maybe this Blog will be an avenue in which they can. My goal is to be faithful to write, even if no one reads them in order to answer His call over all else. If He blesses you through this, Praise Him! If He blesses me through this, Praise Him! What truly matters is that He gets the Glory through all of this. I do not want to make you feel good, but make you think and ultimately act.

All this talk about racism has been eating away at me and I really had to dig deep inside to figure out why. It was becoming more clear as I began to worry about the idea of even writing about it as a “white” woman. However, I have a blog for the purpose of sharing my opinion and therefore, that is what I am going to do.

First, let me share a little about how I came to be “some where in the middle”. Growing up around black people, I naturally felt a connection. I remember witnessing racism at an apartment building that my mom was the manager of when I was in the first grade. A racist white family started a fight with a black family. Their daughter was my best friend. I couldn’t understand why it was happening but I knew, I didn’t want to be like that “white” family.

In the 3rd grade we were living in a black community where I was literally the only white kid in my class. I didn’t mind but other kids did. I was bullied by kids who walked home by me all the time and even jumped by three black boys who were older than me. Thankfully my brother and his friend were near by and came to my rescue but then a huge fight broke out between the family of the black kids and the family of the Mexican friend who helped my brother defend me.  I thought, “this all happened because I am white”.

My best friend in elementary school was mixed but most of her family was black. They would call us “white folk”, and trust me that was not a compliment. I remember watching the movie Mississippi Burning with them and listening to anger and hatred towards white people. It really solidified in my mind that “white people” are bad and I didn’t want to be one.

By Middle-High School I was the friend that wasn’t “really white”. I was considered an honorary black person, at least by my friends. However it was the 90’s, as the Black Medallion movement was underway and it was not yet popular to be the odd one out. So many black people did not agree and I was bullied time and time again.

As a young woman with bi-racial children and black husband, I can tell you that racism is real. I have been pulled over and harassed while in a Cadillac full of black people. We were lined up against the wall as our car was searched. When I asked why they were doing this, I was told to shut up. No ticket was even given. The cop who told me to shut up was a black women. I felt anger and disrespect but on the flip side, everyone in the car, including me had a total disregard for the law and others at that time. We were lucky they didn’t find anything in the car.

Now I know many black people like my husband who have been harassed by the police for no other reason other than being black. He doesn’t dress like thug, talk like a thug and is one of the most respectful people I have ever met. Therefore, even though I am not surprised if he is pulled over, I have no fear he will be shot because his respect and cooperation would negate any kind of escalation. Side note: if we lived in the South, I would undoubtedly feel differently about his safety.

As for the #blacklivesmatter movement, when I see the criminals who are selling drugs, carrying illegal fire arms and being arrested for pimping (human trafficking), etc., standing side by side with law abiding citizens asking for justice, I hesitate to join. Of course black lives matter. The law also matters and we can’t just lump every black police shooting together because some of them are justified. I mean, can I just be real for a minute? Rodney King was not innocent. There I said it. He took the police on a high speed car chase, endangering the lives of everyone on the road. Then he refused to submit and follow their directions. We all know after a chase you better walk backwards and get on your knees, placing your hands on the back of your head. He didn’t do that, he refused. But I am supposed to say that he was victimized solely on his skin color? Reginald Denny was an innocent casualty of the riots that happened because of the “not guilty” verdict in that trial. This white man was pulled form his truck because he was white and between so badly in the streets that I am surprised he survived. So yes, “all lives matter.” If we don’t focus on all lives, then we can send the message that white people, or anyone who wears the uniform, are the enemy and taking those lives can be seen as justified to extremists. Look at the officers who are being threatened, shot and killed as a result of us not acknowledging that all lives matter.

In The Middle

Cause I’m different I don’t measure up?

Yes, I have had white people who disapprove of my choices and yes, there absolutely are racist white people, especially in the south. I am not taking away from that racism at all.  I am just shedding light on the whole truth. By far, the racism I have encountered over my life span was at least 75% by the black community; the community I love, the community I wanted to be a part of and felt more comfortable with. I don’t blame all black people for what I have gone though. In the same way, we can not lump all cops and white people together. I no longer feel shame about being white and I won’t be ashamed about speaking up about racism across the board because #mylifematterstoo.