Why blog? My mother brought this idea to me and I was a bit skeptical at first. However, a calling has been felt lately to somehow share my insight and journey as a soldier for Christ. It has been prayed about and I don’t want to risk missing His answer.
God blessed me with the gifts of discernment and counsel. He has blessed me with the ability to lead, to write and to encourage. There is also a gift of boldness, which can be used for both good and evil.
I desire with all my heart to use these gifts for His Glory and maybe this Blog will be an avenue in which they can. My goal is to be faithful to write, even if no one reads them in order to answer His call over all else. If He blesses you through this, Praise Him! If He blesses me through this, Praise Him! What truly matters is that He gets the Glory through all of this. I do not want to make you feel good, but make you think and ultimately act.
I find myself thinking about forgiveness this morning. Generally, I am good with forgiving others and I accept God’s forgiveness easy enough. I don’t completely understand His amazing grace and patience, but I accept it.
It is the forgiveness of self that I struggle with. I have read that not forgiving yourself is a pride issue, which may or may not be true. I guess I just have a hard time with forgiving myself for things that have hurt or negatively affected my children. It seems as if extending forgiveness to myself says that the damage that was done to my girls because of my choices is okay. I don’t think it is okay because those things still affect them to this day. I am not feeling sorry for myself, I promise. I am mad at myself and I have such regret. It is one thing to experience the consequences of your own actions, that makes sense. It’s another to see those same consequences in the innocent ones you love.
So this time, I am asking you guys to help me work through this one. Any thoughts?